I’ve been struggling to live a normal life. But how does one victim of violence, like me, be able to live a normal and happy life.. rape and sexual harassment at that! I’ve been living in misery and trying to live as normally as I could be, but I couldn’t. Please tell me how to cope up or move on. Thank you.. ‘Ms. Anonymous’
Dear Ms. Anonymous,
For a very traumatic experience like yours, it requires a lot of guts, determination and resolve to get back to the so-called ‘normal life’. Foremost, the haunting experience will keep lingering at the back of your mind. For how long? No one can tell.
I have some few things in mind, which I hope will help you: 1) a psycho-social therapy might help but the most effective therapy is still your ability to unload the baggage that you’ve been carrying through. 2) It would also help if you find a gentleman who will love you sincerely despite what had happened. This is not impossible. 3) And you should not forget the power of prayer. When everything else seems failing us, It’s time to turn to the Lord and give up ourselves to Him in complete submission and prayer. The Lord’s hand works in mysterious ways and nothing is impossible with the Lord. He is the best Comforter and He is our final destination. The most exalted in the eyes of God is one who is most righteous.
Finally, you should also begin to realize that life’s worth is not only in being able to imitate the lives of ‘normal’ people. Each one of us has our own abnormalities which manifest in different ways. Also, not all those who believe they are miserable are completely handicapped. There’s a saying which goes this way: “If you want to see how fortunate you are, look at people who are more miserable than you.”
Example: if you had been complaining of sore eyes and you think that you are the most unglamorous person around, look at the uncomplaining blind who does not even enjoy the beauty of the world around him.
I really hope and pray that you will be able to get out of the miserable world you are currently in. There’s a lot more space that you can occupy in the ‘normal world’ if you are willing and determined to get out of your miserable world.
I sincerely wish that you get your visa to the ‘normal world’ very soon.
(Post script: I made it appear here that a letter was sent to me. The truth was, a friend confided this unfortunate incident to me which happened to a 14-year old girl as she was in fact seeking for some advice. As someone trained on gender-sensitivity with a keen interest on violence against women, I found this an opportunity to lend a helping hand.
I requested this friend of mine to bring the girl to me where I had a good chance to talk to her. I actually did a follow up and went as far as visiting the girl to her house and talked to her parents. Now, I have seen how this girl had improved emotionally. She was in fact bubbly one time while she was telling me that someone was courting her. I asked her how she felt for this boy but I sensed that she was a little confuse. I had some words for her but I knew all along that I have to be very careful with this one. I am no psycho-therapist but I love doing this for my advocacy – to give face to helpless victims of violence against women and children.
One of the reasons why I posted this is to submit this case to readers who may have the authority to speak on this. We may pick up this case from the point that the girl has a 23-year old suitor and she was not sure about her feelings for this boy. The boy is working in a coconut plantation. You may please help this girl in her quest to regain confidence, self-respect and self-esteem by sharing your comments. I assure you that your therapeutic words will reach her. Thank you).