(All Daily Prompts are interesting. They always entice us to indulge in writing and induce the creative mind in us to bring out our thoughts so that they are expressed and read by others. I have been a follower of Daily Prompt but I seldom develop into writing the topical prompts that WordPress puts forward. My reason? I want to look like I am choosy without admitting I lack the literary prowess to respond to most of these prompts 🙂 . This one, however, struck me so hard that I just found my hands positioning the keyboard to allow more comfort for my hands to punch on the keys. And so here I am trying to make a composition out of the prompt as far as my comprehension and writing ability would allow).
The prompt says: “To what extent is your blog a place for your own self-expression and creativity vs. a site designed to attract readers? How do you balance that?”
A personal blog, by essence, is a private space in the fact that only the author decides what to write into it and how it should be expressed. By this token, the blog is truly one’s Personal Space. Interesting, it seems, but what does it do to you as a personal space?
I have seen a lot and read plenty about blogger friends’ thoughts on their personal spaces. Most of them reflect some of their personal sentiments, feelings, thoughts and experiences. I feel most of my blogger friends are seasoned writers aside from the fact that English is their mother tongue and they are very much at home with it.
This ‘prompt’ made me feel like I own everything in my personal space and that nobody should tinker with anything in it. I feel this is where I am able to exercise freedom of speech to the fullest – without any pressure, threat or intimidation. I feel like I can utter everything my words would allow me – write for or against anyone, tease and poke fun at those whom I would not know whether to love or hate.
Yes, there is so much freedom here in my personal space but I realize I still can’t do some other things I would want to do. I cannot giggle, banter, joust or do repartee anymore. What a squander, what a dispel. I feel I am slowly dissipating whenever I recall the moments I was so free to do them. Oh, there are just certain things you cannot write nor talk about. I miss them; I love them, still. Very much. I wish one day they appear as one guiding star in the sky which had led the three Kings to the manger in Bethlehem. Do miracles happen these days, still? Or miracles or none, each has its own perfect timing at a given space.
Now, I am beginning to realize that the freedom I thought was limitless in my personal space is not that free at all. Somehow, I must admit the limitation of space and words. Somehow, I must learn to live with reality – that like beautiful photos, not all of them see print.
But my blog, somehow, is a personal space for my own self-expression and creativity. But I can only be creative for so much. I can’t command the words to make them happen nor can I go on chasing rainbows.
Now, I must admit that my blog is no longer my personal space where I can do what I want. Yes, I can write what I want on this empty space but the meanings that they create are not absolutely mine. Somehow, they will have an effect on other people. And there again I realize that one can only claim the empty space as his own but not when you begin to scribble your thoughts on it.
I wish I can leave this personal space empty forever so I won’t hurt people when my words go accidentally hurting, insulting, demeaning or anything unpleasant. Somehow, I can’t remain unaccountable.
But still, others would try to seek relief by saying they have no choice. To say you have no choice is to relieve yourself of responsibility.
My blog – my personal space – my responsibility. Between my responsibility and longings. How do I balance them? Such pensive thoughts will keep haunting me. I have no choice.